Dear Insurance Company,

I realize that you have to spend a tonne of time dodging clients with excuses for why you can't proceed with their claim, however, I do think that 6 months has been more than ample time for you to move on getting the siding on our garage replaced. I'm not sure whose butt my nose should be up, who I ought to scream at, or who wants me to buy them a hooker, but whatever it takes, now is the time, as I foresee a similar fate with the status of our wrecked car, and don't think either you or I wish to pay for a rental for the next 6 months. Seriously - send me your hotel room # and I'll ship over your ho, a bouquet complimenting you on your inadequacies, and a box of chocolates that you can stuff between your cheeks and pretend is my little brown nose.

Sincerely,

Hope